My son asked his father and I on Thursday, March 12, 2009 to write down about being a parent. Since William’s dad went to play cards tonight, that left me to write the homework for how hard it is to be a parent.
Being a parent is a challenge at all ages, because your children grow through many stages. They start out in the world needing you for everything just to survive. As a mother you have lost sleep over your child before they are even born. You try to eat right and exercise and keep you stress low, so it does not affect the baby. Then the baby is born and you lose sleep because the baby has a belly ache or an ear ache and they can’t tell you, they just cry until you can guess what is wrong. As they get older you have to protect them from falling and getting hurt or putting something in there mouth that could block their airway. They get better at sleeping and now you get a little more rest also.
As they grow you continue to teach them how to get dressed, how to eat with a spoon, wipe there own butt, etc..
From the very beginning we protect and teach our children the best we can.
When you child becomes a teenager, they start to assert their independence because in a short time they will be independent. They begin to let you know what they already know! They believe they are entitled to what ever is in your home because you have always shared your things with them before. They only help with the house when there is something in it for them. If they don’t like something they don’t take care of it, does not matter whose it is.
The teenage is beginning of the twilight zone where they feel they can live in your house, take your thing and not have to listen. As a parent there is not one positive feeling from the above sentence. And that is when parenting gets even harder. It is hard to be mature when someone does not take care of things you have worked you whole life for. It is hard to be mature when some one is ungrateful for what they have been given, when you have worked so hard to provide it.
Kids at this age don’t understand the value of home or even the cost of a home. Or the value of things you kept since you were there age, only to see it lying on their floor broken. So as a parent you have to think hard and be objective about how to continue to teach and protect your child. If your child takes your things with out asking, what is to say he wont take other peoples things with out asking. This is called stealing, they can go to jail for stealing. How do you teach them this is wrong to protect them?
You have to punish them, and when you punish your child at this age you are being mean and then they don’t like you. And as a parent you have to get over it. You don’t deserve it and it is not fair, but it the sacrifice you make to make sure you child understands the long term consequence of their actions.
When you ask your child to help with the house and they disobey, you have to punish them. Because you know they will not be a good employee some day if they are not able to obey directions independently. They need to be dependable so you have to teach them what dependable is. And we feel we fail each day teaching this, we are left with one way to teach, to lead by example. Showing your child each day we come home after work, by keeping the same job for years and only changing with a new goal in place with a laid out plan.
We can show consistence in how we react and how we decide to punish. This is not always easy either. When your child knowing does not take responsibility for themselves, something you are certain they were taught back in kindergarten. It is really hard to stay mature, especially when you know they are lying. And where does lying get you except to have your own way for that very moment in time. Is a liar a good employee? Is a liar a good boss? Is a liar a good friend? When you lie it affect all parts of your life, it bring nothing good to any situation.
It is hard to stay a good person in a world where kids see all of the above on daily basis. They may see someone who steals & lies as some one who is cool and has what they want. But nothing ever good comes of people who chose this path.
So each day we try again as parents to help our children make a good choice. We want them to want to make the world a better place.
At this age they want is everything now. They take because they don’t want to ask, they want it now, they don’t’ want to hear the words no. They lie to get their way now. Because they don’t want to be in trouble or they want to be allowed to do something they shouldn’t.
As a parent you want you child to think of more than themselves. You want to them to realize there choices affect everyone around them. You want your child to want to make good choices. Because as a parent you know they are being independent and they will be doing more and more things with out their parents. And when the situation get touch are they going to lie & steal to get there way out of it or are they going to make a good choice and tell the truth and be dependable?
So, each day we may have to take some quiet time with the Lord and ask what can I do different today Lord, how can I teach this lesson differently today Lord. How do I strength this relationship and not weaken it by losing my cool each time I know my child is not being truthful or dependable. How do I endure this time and try to stay focused on the lessons we are trying teach and not get caught up in the negative aspects of the behavior. It is 10pm at night now; there is not television on, no radio, no children awake and no phone ringing. I have taken a few moments to myself to collect my thought for how hard it is to be a parent. But when tomorrow comes and my son chooses not to wear a coat out the door, when is 32 degree out, I will again become the mean parent. The parent that made sure he had 3 coats to choose from, the parents that wants to make sure there child is not sick and then get the rest of the family sick. To be a good parent, I have to become a mean person in my child’s eyes. It is a sad time, it makes me sad to have to raise my voice at 6:30am and start my day off this way. It is a negative way, all because my child chose not do something he knew he needed to. He just wanted to do it his way. There are things parent can compromise on but when it comes to protecting your child a parent must stand there ground. And pray that some day their child will be grateful for all the sacrifices their parents made for them.
A teenager may have the smart comment “well you chose to have me”. As a parent we also taught you to wear a coat in winter. Why are you choosing not to follow the rules? By not following the rules you created the problem, so please don’t wonder why you got punished. So please take ownership of you actions because I only have 5 ¼ more short years to make sure you understand choices and consequences before you are on your own.
Written with Much Love and Hope to you son.
Love your Mother
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